Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
