shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
