i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Randomize
