dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Randomize
