And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
I would ride that face into the sunset
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