i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
Randomize
