I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
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