he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
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