Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
Randomize
