nut hugger
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
Randomize
