I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
Randomize
