I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
