I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
Just invented taco cereal.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
