i don't plan on having that self control this summer
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
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