my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize
