Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Randomize
