Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
