i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
Help me help you realize you are a moron
Randomize
