my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
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