The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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