There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
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