You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
Randomize
