I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize