After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
