My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
