I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
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