this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
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