I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
Floor bacon is actually really good
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
