She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
Randomize
