There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
Randomize
