I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
Randomize
