based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
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