Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Randomize
