My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
Randomize
