He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
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