Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Randomize
