we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
True strength comes from lack of pants
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