A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
Randomize
