i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
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