You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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