Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Randomize
