I bet he comes in French.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
