And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Randomize
