i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize
