What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
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