I only kidnapped one of them. chill
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
