The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
Randomize