If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
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