Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
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