I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
Randomize
