the condom got lost in my hair
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
she pinky promised me she was 18
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
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