Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Randomize
