I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
