4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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