My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize
