Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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