idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
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