Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Randomize
