dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Randomize
