I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Randomize
