All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
Randomize
