don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Randomize
