Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
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