Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
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