we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Randomize
