They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
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