a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Randomize
