I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
We need a shit load of segways right now
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
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