Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Randomize
