if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Randomize
