the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
