so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
Randomize
