Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
Randomize
